Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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