she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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