wat bout pragnant strippers??
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
