I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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