We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
