And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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