is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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