ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
