i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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