Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
