thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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