Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
