Welp...herpes.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
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I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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