the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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