Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
