she smelled like a LAN party
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
