Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
