i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
