Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
