Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
