i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Drake has all the answers
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
