I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
