Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
