People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a waste of cheezeits
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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