hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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