I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Randomize
