I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
