drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
