weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
