I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
