Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
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