a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
