you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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