I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
