I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
MIDGETS
????
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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