How'd it feel making her break her religion?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
