I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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