Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize