and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
