I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
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Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
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YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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