So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
