I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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