ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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