I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my shit smells like andre
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
