I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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