i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
