he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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