also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
