GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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