it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
