you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
