I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
