Don't make out with my wife yet
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
