When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
