It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
