I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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