she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
