This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
