He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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