college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
