The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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