I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
