I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
