if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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